The Imbalance of it All: Insights from a Work-from-Home Mom

The term "recovering perfectionist" seems to be the latest millennialism, describing the peace we must make between the Instagram feeds of 2019 and the reality of our lives, and the economy they find themselves in.

For me, a "perfectionist," much less one on the road to recovery, seemed far from what I saw in the mirror. But, with each trip around the sun, I've come to realize all the imperfections and shortcomings that seem to be sirens blaring off to the world, "This one does NOT have it together," were a direct response to my innate desire to be just that-- perfect.

I strived for years, to atone my sins, to get the right job, to show up put together, to be the perfect wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, coworker, and customer at the local burger joint. I wanted balance. I craved it. And I thought, maybe once I reach "X" I'll be that girl. You know that girl. Her hair is always curled, her dress is ironed, and as the poets put it: "she's toned, tanned, fit, and ready."

What I, at the tender age of twenty-nine, have come to realize is that there is no balance. And the imbalance of it all has brought me so much relief. As I've realized I am a perfectionist and possibly slightly neurotic, there's never going to be a point where I've done, said, loved, worked, cooked, or saved enough. But, I have a Lord that loves me despite it. I have a job I can give me all to, in spurts. I have children who give me more grace than I could ever earn when I fall short.

And so, this morning I ran out of coffee, put up an undeniably lopsided ponytail, forgot to send back a signed spelling test, and joined the wrong Zoom link. But you know what? I also went on a walk with my chubby dog. I wrapped up a slide deck and ran a cross-functional meeting. I read books and cuddled my babies after school.

Some days I'm going to give 90% of myself to the job and some days I'm going to give 90% of myself to my kids and some days I'm going to give 90% of myself to my husband and (hopefully) some days I'm going to give 90% of myself to me! And, if you look at my pie chart (or tree map for my modern data science girlies), you'll see that is so far from a balance.

But that's what I'm here to chat through: how we can get the most out of ourselves in each precious moment without the burnout, without the balancing act, and without the blasted perfect life our Barbie dolls taught us to work towards since the '90s (or insert decade here, because 'A man may die, nations may rise and fall, but Barbie lives on!').

So, let's go girls.

But truly, if you have the secret to keeping your dress wrinkle-free after a commute to the office, please contact me ASAP.